"Safe, sane, and consensual." A code worth keeping.
If you're new to BDSM experiences in person, you probably don't know that the male kink fetish community doesn't have nearly as much mentorship and guidance as our purely-straight counterparts. We haven't had the stage for very long, and in some places, anti-LGBTQ legislation still runs interference for even straight guys who just wanna have kink play with other men.
Lots of us start out without having any place to go for advice, and many of us are deprived to begin with. Finding people is hard as hell. Deprivation means one big thing is frequently left behind: CONSENT.
Let's say... you meet this dom kinkster whose goal is to strip you of your rights and turn you into their fun plaything (and you're into that). Cool! ? As long as you 1) fully consent to anything that happens beforehand, 2) aren't guilted for not agreeing to certain stuff, and 3) there is mutual understanding that you can withdraw that consent at any point you choose, go forth and go crazy.
"If you were a real slave, you'd..."
"If you were a real master, you'd..."
I fucking hate hearing either of those phrases. Fuck people who say it.
For the next scenario, let's say you meet a dom guy who's really pushy, douchey, or is (non-jokingly) telling you that you're gonna do a thing "whether you like it or not", and is otherwise disrespecting your autonomy in favor of their personal preferences.
I guarantee you'll encounter them. You'll be tempted to meet up with them. Don't. And not because I said so. Don't, because if you meet them and get injured in a way that makes it impossible to ever do that thing you love again, that's on you. Financially, legally, physically, and emotionally. There's no guarantee that they'll face legal consequences because every jurisdiction handles BDSM-related incidents differently.
Some jurisdictions, I imagine, will take face-value and blame you for the breach of consent, rationalizing that you knew what you were getting into - and now you must 'accept the consequences'. Other, more experienced/discerning jurisdictions, I imagine, will dig deeper and put the responsibility on the right person - the one who breached your consent and hurt you.
Don't put yourself in a position to even have to worry about shit like this. Wait for play partners who have their head screwed on right.
Whatever BDSM code of conduct you follow, let it have consent.
Some people think consent is boring or uncool - far from the truth. Consent keeps you safe so that you can keep doing what you love.
Even on the far end of the consent spectrum, there's consenual non-consent (CNC). Taboo for some people, badass and hot to me, and worth mentioning because it gives you more range for intense BDSM activities with a person you deeply trust. In CNC, you essentially agree to act as if consent has been waived.
Kink is so fucking cool.
There are other types of consent that weren't mentioned, such as:
Anyway, kink how you want - as long as you practice consent.